I’ve contemplated what my love language is, and I think I have figured it out. Though, it may change over time, these are just some observations I have made over the years.

How I show love: gifts.

I noticed when I truly start to care for someone I start giving them things. Most of them home made items or things that I would think they like. I noticed this in past relationships. My ex was a musician. I would buy him expensive equipment or vinyl records. However, that took a toll on my wallet. He soon expected me to buy him things or pay the bill at restaurants. It got tiring and I felt used.

Now, I compare that to my other ex. He did not want me to waste any money on him or give him gifts. He wanted me to spend the money on myself, and though that was a sweet gesture, this left me feeling unappreciated because I really did want to spoil him. I wanted to show him that I cared. When we agreed not to give gifts to each other over the holidays, I felt like I was neglecting him.

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How I receive love: quality time and words of affirmation.

These two things truly make me feel special.

I know people are working hard. Every one has their own lives and their own worries. But when someone specifically makes time in their busy schedule for me, I start to swoon.

Words of affirmation is something quite different. I have two emotions controlling my thoughts: pride and fear. Kind words, telling me sweet nothings do two things:

First, it feeds my pride and grows my confidence. For instance, I know I am conventionally attractive. I know I am not a solid ten, but when someone calls me “beautiful” I tend to agree. Those words make me feel happy to be me.

Second, it dampens my fear. Though I am confident in some aspects of my life, there are others where I am not. One of them being whether or not someone will stay being my friend or (I guess) lover. So when someone still calls me “cute” or “beautiful” despite seeing my uglier sides, it makes me think: “maybe this person will stay, maybe he actually does care.”

It is the little things like that that could make a huge difference.