I rest my head under an ill fit pillow

Speaking softly about my day.

Enjoying the comfort found in the act of covering eyes

.

I whisper love into the covers

praying to God for the lives of those I interact with.

.

I can pretend I am a saint

Adorned in white sheets and an angelic voice

But I am tainted with wanting

.

I would take your hate and wear it around my neck.

Would you let me carry this burden for you?

.

My pillow is filled with rocks

I place it over my head

And trust it won’t crush me.

.

your words are lead filled.

And each utterance pierces my soul

.

I long for the blankness of half closed eyelids

And for the buzz of a clear mind

But somehow your sudden message messed me up. And I am thinking of you again. Even though I thought I was ready to move on and start searching for another. Did I mix pity with love? Or should I consider myself to be the more pitiful one?