Present

Today my throat burned. It grew tight with tiny spikes that pierced in every gasp I took.

I heard myself wheeze as I inhaled, my airways seemingly blocked. It hurt to breathe.

I didn’t feel pain in my lungs. This was a good sign.

I found my inhaler buried with forgotten lipsticks and eye palettes. It felt strange to hold it again. I was hoping to outgrow it, but some things are meant to be your companions for life… like medications and scars.

I shook it and inhaled it, eyes closed, praying for relief.

My mind danced with frightening possibilities as I climbed into bed, body heavy, my head seemingly filled with water.

What if it’s not asthma this time?

What if I suddenly developed a food allergy? It certainly is possible.

Or worse, what if it’s COVID?

I heard a ringing, I closed my eyes to the sound of my ears dying.

Then the logical side of me began to speak. I like to imagine her with big round glasses, a white button up, and bold red lipstick. She was scolding me as the worst side of me swam on my bed.

You’re not sick, you’re tired. Think of your week. This is what stress and exhaustion does to you.

It lowers your defenses.

It messes with your body and mind.

Just rest. Worry later.

Focus on getting better.

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