Smoke

I taste it’s heavy dew as it rests on my tongue. The fires northward burning. I think I am inhaling a home, a person, a memory? I ask myself this and I hesitate.

Apply for a job. Check. Sign up for classes. Check.

Lately I have been struggling to see myself through these clouds. My brain is swimming in waves of self sabotaging degrading hopelessne… no. Don’t call it that. It isn’t that serious. Get over yourself

Make sure to email him after you set that appointment. Check. Make sure you cancel that subscription. Check. Are you the one who left the food out? Are you stupid?

I second guess my actions and emotions. I want to make myself small. No one worries over something small, therefore I shall be small too so that no one can worry over me.

Take out the garbage. Check. Cook dinner. Check. Make sure everything is on schedule. Why isn’t it on schedule? Why are you always late?

I’ve been sleeping a lot lately. It’s my favorite part of the day. I cannot eat without getting nauseous. At least laying down I feel fine.

I feel fine.

I feel fine.

I feel fine.

I feel fine. Honest.

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