I write this to you at 5am. I woke up abruptly at 4, thinking that I heard a strange noise. I could not place where it came from and thought that perhaps it is my imagination. Once fully awake, my mind was consumed with worry.
I told myself at the beginning of 2020 that this would be the year I graduate and get my finances in order. I would find a steady job, buy a plane ticket, and visit my boyfriend who I haven’t seen in person since 2018.
But of course I have little control over my life and the grand scheme of things.
I look back at a younger me. The me who thought that by my current age I would have been married, would have had a stable job, would be able to support my parents. But no. The only main difference between she and I is that I understand now that I have no control whatsoever.
That is fine with me. God has control over it. I know he sees the desire in my heart. I trust that he will provide whatever my needs are. I just have to learn to be content with the unknown in the time being.
Why worry about the future? I will count my blessings here in the present: my family is safe, my friends are safe, I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, I am loved, I am healthy, the sun will rise soon.
I can’t keep concentrating on my worries forever.